Family Schema and design of life outcomes or mere coincidence: A family design case in perspective.

Malcom Gladwell's Outliers talks about opportunities people got due to some demographic dividends. 

Why are most hockey players born in the months January, February and March? Is it because they are born with an ability for winter sports because they were born in the winter, or because it's just a coincidence?

Well, this is just to warm you up and get to the rationalizing mode of certain successes! Pulp fiction follows. 

I live in Bangalore in a crowded area in an apartment complex that house 64 families. I have been here and participated in most social events that society organizes. I know who's who and who belongs to their families, etc. I have seen these people and their kids growing over a decade plus...

It's a very peaceful society with no history of any conflicts or chaos...a nice place to be in..

What drew my attention here is what sizes of families live here and whether their grandparents too live with them. There is hardly a few families who have grandparents living with them. I started to notice that most of them have two children and only 2, not 3 but a few have only one child. Middle class is conscious of their limitations.

Interestingly, out of 64 families, there are 21 families here, who have only two children and they been girls. There are other combinations too, like only one child: male or female and others like a mix of male and female. I noticed certain commonalities in family's success and life events, including moving out to other places to live, career and financial growth, etc. 

Down below, I have listed certain interesting findings that I saw in families with only 2 kids and what factors seem like consistent. Read on..

Note: I have been on this subject for more than 5 years now and even outside of the apartment complex I have checked the family events, characteristics and outcomes of such families with 2 kids only and have found them matching a lot...

I have often discussed this subject with my friends, colleagues, etc. and have heard them agreeing to the commonalities that I have found, even in their known references..

Everything happens for a reason. Reasons can be any but astrologically or through other such sciences (including, Psychology, Sociology or Anthropology) these findings can be validated..

So, let's dive in...

Image credit: Shutterstock! 
My observations are from my social space in a narrow demography.

I have studied ~50 such families, where couple had only 2 kids in any configuration. Configuration and sequence of birth and gender of kids matter but that will come later in my explanation.

What if I told you that parents with only 2 kids have a better lived (Balanced, contented, regret free and economically well off) life for all 4 than with larger or a smaller number of kids!

Sounds strange but, my observations say, 2 is the number of balances of emotions, bondings, calmness , flexibility and let go with ease, like virtues! 

When I said 2, I mean the number of kids!

My observations are from my social space in a narrow demography. Mind the word 'observation'. They are neither conclusions nor judgements! 

At best, they are just curious findings, in a limited sample size! 

Here are 2 sets of families in this configuration that I am talking about:

As of now, let's dwell into  some quick findings about such families:

Configuration #1: 2 kids and both are female.

Commonly found status and traits and life patterns of parents first:

- Financially lucky and well-off...self-made money multiplies, socially stable, career and business prosper, often times, as if in auto-pilot mode with opportunities of multiple growth phases in life stack-up. Health of both parents remains in pink. Conflicts and struggle of life hardly touch them. Mother of kids slowly emerges stronger but remains a good family anchor, happy and responsible...considers kids as investments and medals to polish/garnish them often!

Father of the kids, likes routine, avoids risks, socially accepted and leads a conflict free, rewarding life and career promises fulfilled as a blessing..Health, wealth look positive and in shape, property investments go always right..Inherited wealth too is guaranteed.

Mother after a while, settles as a home maker, better termed as custodian of the family, focused, responsible and creator, her highness! She ages like wine!

Now, on kids (both female): They are similar yet very different. They again are self-made and out of their own mold, as often emerges in late teens. They lead a tarnish free, safe lifestyle...They do well in studies and find best career for them.

Configuration #2: 2 kids and both are male.

Commonly found status and traits and life patterns of parents first:

Father is a family man but, on the surface, he is a stranger...he is socially a person, who considers himself a stranger and an outsider! Grows well with career but unstable, strange twists and turns, his partner takes on the wheels as co-pilot throughout the journey! She can't lose control. Here she is not that soft steward as in earlier case of two female kids. She is forced to maintain her identity socially and financially.

Now, kids (males); Go-getters, socially as awkward and outsider as their father..with people and still alone and within themselves..they do well with their own sacrifices, often get distanced from family bonding. Kind of just opposite of the 2 female siblings. These boys develop their own nests and are ready to carry the karma of their father...till they get into their own "only 2" child mold :)

Parents focus is not on building wealth and stability here but to live life as it comes, lacks everyday life discipline and often wait to heal rather than ask for help! Word 'struggle' of any nature may not be stranger in their lives...they may not seek harmony...luck factor may not be at the best.

Configuration #3: 2 kids and they are male and female mix, male child born first.

Commonly found status and traits and life patterns of parents first:

Parents struggle till the girl child is born. Struggle eases and luck favors with girl child born. Family is balanced with 2x2. This is the best balance of 2 genders from 2 generations and sets of responsibilities, aspirations, etc. Dinner time table has a good talk and it's participatory josh in all talks..Everyone wins here and no one looses on any aspects...

Family prospers and life moves on well..Father of the family sees his own social transition as his values and beliefs change from before the girl child was born to after it...he is a responsible , nice guy...trusted family man as he often proves himself or has to ...

Mother finds a balance in choices and biases too...lives a life tipping balances from time to time..emotionally, most balanced and mature of all combinations of kids in configurations of 2.

Configuration #4: 2 kids and they are male and female mix, female child born first.

Commonly found status and traits and life patterns of parents first:

Here it is again a balance of energies of males and females in a family, but female child born feels stranger to family more than the male. This Male child often is an added part of the family as inheritance came early. Life takes weird turns and family balances are often lost due to father's so far suppressed/under-cover traits, so far hidden,  till the boy was born (read arrived), resurfaces, to create disharmony between the couple. Life on surface looks good but finds social appeal waning. Balancing household, everyday-life discipline seems burdensome. Both parents go through un-settling times....settles very late in life..kind of many roller coasters... Some just a creation of their own doings. Some people earn more parking tickets because they attract them. 

Wealth sustains. Health takes a toll...some serious toll for either of couple but can be for both, in turns...

Career struggles start to crop up...luck factor dwindles...man of the family accepts fate and moves on. Lady of the family emerges from behind to remain a seat of power in decision making for later phase of life..

Kids do well and they compete to care for parents but can do only a little..

Well, these are observations on a very small sample size and only a few factors of family life outcomes have been covered. 

I urge you to look for families, where you see couple have only 2 kids in any configuration and let me know what observations you agree with and what you don't. Please also share your own findings in such families of 4. 

Couple in above cases are self-made and not as part of legacy business wealth. Even if they are, they should be leading a new or new part of business from scratch, while funding comes from family..